a better mousetrap

For 99 cents you can get a snap trap, end up with blood on your hands, sometimes a mangled mess in the trap (often still suffering) that you have to pick up to toss, and a lifetime of recalling the scene and knowing you tortured or murdered a mouse. Yeah, I'm well aware a lot of people don't care about that last part. I learned that this past week trying to find a humane mouse trap. I heard about the "Have-a-heart" catch and release traps and tried to locate one. The problem is the smallest one is really too big for catching a mouse in the house. They're designed for garden rodents. When I called Chase Hardware (N Valley, in ABQ) a nice woman said they had some "no kill" traps that were much smaller. Yay! I was on my way.

When I got there I found some horrible implements of death. Glue traps, sonic something that makes them go insane (the label proudly states that), and the alleged "no kill" traps that were too small and clearly could chop off a tail and then leave them in something smaller than a matchbox. I took that up to the "customer service" counter and asked the woman if she was the one I spoke with on the phone. No. I said this was the only "no kill" trap they had and how would you release it? The woman went berserk. "You don't release it. You toss it in the trash. Why would you want to release it?" I tried to stay calm and said, "I called asking for "no kill" traps and the other woman said you have them." Still red in the face and ugly as hell, she says, "It's alive, but you don't release them..." and again she asks me, even louder this time, "Why do you want to release it?" -- her eyes bulging, with a hideous facial expression. At that point, I tossed the trap at her and said, "it's none of your business why I want to release it. But, it is my business how you are treating a customer and I'll take that up with your management."

Time out on the mouse and humane aspect for a moment. I work in government. When citizens come in and request information we don't ask "Why do you want this?" It's public record and none of our business. When I go to a store and ask for a product, it's not the clerk's business why I want it. Bulging eyes, veins protruding from her redneck and escalating volume pretty much indicate she's not trying to be helpful. (That part is going in my letter to the company.)

So, I was back home with no humane trap and facing another night of seeing the mouse running around and brazenly sitting on my kitchen counter. Almost enough for me to get the Decon and do him in. When I googled "humane mouse trap" and found this fabulous idea. So easy and works perfectly (just don't put a plastic liner in the tall trash can, cause they can climb up and out of that.) Once the little bugger was in the trash can, I just took the dog along and ran a block or so down to the ditch bank (plastic trash can extended away from me), and released him. Just to be safe, I set it up again, and sure enough the next morning another one was in there. Now, some might say the same one, since like dogs, apparently they will try to return "home." So, to be safe, this time I did put him in a large dumpster further away. I haven't seen one since. I am taking some precautions now to keep them out.

Now, let's have that discussion, WHY would I go to all this trouble? All I can say is there are two kind of people in the world: 1) Those who honestly believe the human species is superior, despite all the atrocities we commit to our own and others, and despite our alleged "evolution" we are pathetically inhumane; 2) and those labeled "tree huggers", liberal environmentalists, anti-war activists, non-violent monks (who get killed standing up for human and animal rights), and those of us who just prefer not to kill other living creatures. Mick Vick, whatever the fucker's name is that killed the dogs "for sport," is about the only creature I want to catch in a snap trap. I'd like to find him half-mangled and still breathing so I could ask, "Why would I want to release it?"

A Novel Idea

It's the last day of summer! I was riding my cycle, hair blowing in the wind, 85 here in ABQ. Tomorrow is supposed to be much cooler and rainy -- fitting for Fall. That's when I'll really write... (yeah, right!)

Honestly, I'm doing it. I plan to pull an all nighter and I worked on it all morning (the novel.)

I keep forgetting to mention this horrifying statistic: only one in four people even read a book last year. A single book! That's really difficult for a reader to grasp, and sad for those of us writing and hoping to find future readers. Unless, of course, your name is JK Rowling who had no trouble getting 16 million people to buy the final Potter book. Can you imagine how many more read library or borrowed copies of it!

It simply reaffirms that a novel must be novel. That is constantly on my mind. I can't rehash some tired old format or cliche concept. Fresh fiction...

(I forgot I started this and took off with Mo.) We went out to celebrate the Equinox (early.) And, where were we? A book store. Books are on my brain and with fall comes the real writing season. I better finish this now, because even if I do pull the writing all-nighter, I'll surely collapse before 3:51 am. Unlike Phil who would start at 11 pm and go until 5 am -- when he was MY age. YIKES! Anyway, I didn't finish my literary thoughts, but I do want to acknowledge the Equinox , and the Precession of the Equinoxes, like my novel, "The process is slow, but cumulative." (And, it's a chapter title in AKS!)

Queen of Mean

I've had a lot of blog fodder rolling around in my head, but I've tried to be good and work only on the novel. I have to spit some of this out cause it's clogging my brain. Leona Hemsley leaving 12 Mil to her dog. I know that upset some people, but that's better than the sports ass who was killing and torturing dogs. Now that upsets me. F him. I've always thought of leaving my money (what little there is) to whoever would take care of my pet (s) should they survive me. Why not leave $$ to Isadora for the person who would step up if I stroke out. Of course, this kind of tips my hand. I'll have to build in some safeguards to make sure whoever it is truly takes care of her in the style she's accustomed to -- and that means riding in the "rig", going on trips, eating well, etc. PJMR (you know who U R.) If you're reading this you'll have to help with that one!

Speaking of sports a-holes, the "IF I did it" book is out. At least the proceeds are going to the Goldman family and not OJ. Can you possibly imagine anyone writing anything like that if they didn't do it. Come on. I read somewhere that testosterone/hormone, steroids and adrenaline are all linked to RAGE. I know this from personal experience and past hormonal imbalances. So these jerks that are all hopped up on steroids are capable of anything. I'm sure OJ did it and now we have the confession.

And finally, speaking of mean, I watched Christopher Hitchens on "book tv" last weekend. Like Bill Maher, he's an Athiest. I have to wrestle with how I feel about that. One of my idols, who figures in my novel, John Gribbin, once said he didn't believe anything. Here's his precise quote, "My own opinion is that belief is the death of intelligence. As soon as one believes a doctrine of any sort, or assumes certitude, one stops thinking about that aspect of existence. The more certitude one assumes, the less there is left to think about, and a person sure of everything would never have any need to think about anything and might be considered clinically dead." That was my man Gribbin. Hitchens, on the other hand, is not so eloquent. He calls religion "a crazy self-centered idea." He did make a valid point about the pious -- those who pretend to be devout. And, I did laugh when he talked about the "pinched and scorny faces of the pious." OK, pious is pathetic, but authentic spiritual beliefs are another matter. And, that's enough for now. Gotta meet my AKS editing goal, or else!

Watching the Grass Grow

I come back from my wilderness retreat, turn on the tv and there's the alleged political pundits pontificating on the 2008 election. At least when I'm in the middle of nowhere watching the grass grow, I'm meditating and contemplating on things more immediate than an election that's still 15 months out. But since I saw this, "Meet the Press", here's my thoughts. This Senator Craig was forced to resign because he "touched a foot" under a restroom stall? I'm still not clear on what happened there but I had to laugh my ass off listening to out-of-touch Mary "Magdalene" Matalin, the old George H Bush hack and self-proclaimed republican spokesperson (at-large), blather on about the viability of the R presidential candidates. Pahleeeeze. Would that be cross-dressing, adulterer Giuliani? Or perhaps Mr. Mit Morman Macho Mess who's run will never fly, (should that be his fly will never run?) who cites the Bible has his favorite book (geez.) Or perhaps old down-home actor/lobbyist Fred Thompson with his trophy wife (25 years younger than him?) These guys are fit for President, but the footsy-playing Idaho senator had to resign. hmmmm.

As a former Iowan and barometer of midwest sensibilities, I will be shocked if any of these pillars of stability appeal to the State Fair State. Thompson did attend for photo-ops (the Fair.) I'm only concerned about who Iowa picks in the democratic caucus in January. A few months ago, the Des Moines Register had my man Edwards a clear favorite with 30% of the vote. Now, that's slipped and current polls show Hoary Hillary in the lead. (don't make assumptions about what hoary means -- if you don't know look it up! Better yet, let me provide the definition: dated; tedious from familiarity; stale: as in "Please don't tell that hoary joke at dinner again tonight.")

And, how about James Carville, ex-Clinton hack and married to the Mouth Matalin (ref above.) I swear he's turning into Yoda right before our eyes on national television. Huge hairy ears, bald head, big, bulging eyes. Good grief!

And, our poor host, Tim Russert, seems equally out of touch with reality, closing the show with a comment about how we'll continue this conversation around our BBQ's for the holiday weekend. Huh? Do you honestly think regular Americans chat about this crap on their holiday weekend?

Bottom line: it's too frickin' early to care about the 2008 election -- especially on Labor Day Weekend 2007! I hope everyone is out there enjoying nature, as I just did, and if they think about anything, let it be global warming and how to preserve what beautiful environment we have left.