a better mousetrap

For 99 cents you can get a snap trap, end up with blood on your hands, sometimes a mangled mess in the trap (often still suffering) that you have to pick up to toss, and a lifetime of recalling the scene and knowing you tortured or murdered a mouse. Yeah, I'm well aware a lot of people don't care about that last part. I learned that this past week trying to find a humane mouse trap. I heard about the "Have-a-heart" catch and release traps and tried to locate one. The problem is the smallest one is really too big for catching a mouse in the house. They're designed for garden rodents. When I called Chase Hardware (N Valley, in ABQ) a nice woman said they had some "no kill" traps that were much smaller. Yay! I was on my way.

When I got there I found some horrible implements of death. Glue traps, sonic something that makes them go insane (the label proudly states that), and the alleged "no kill" traps that were too small and clearly could chop off a tail and then leave them in something smaller than a matchbox. I took that up to the "customer service" counter and asked the woman if she was the one I spoke with on the phone. No. I said this was the only "no kill" trap they had and how would you release it? The woman went berserk. "You don't release it. You toss it in the trash. Why would you want to release it?" I tried to stay calm and said, "I called asking for "no kill" traps and the other woman said you have them." Still red in the face and ugly as hell, she says, "It's alive, but you don't release them..." and again she asks me, even louder this time, "Why do you want to release it?" -- her eyes bulging, with a hideous facial expression. At that point, I tossed the trap at her and said, "it's none of your business why I want to release it. But, it is my business how you are treating a customer and I'll take that up with your management."

Time out on the mouse and humane aspect for a moment. I work in government. When citizens come in and request information we don't ask "Why do you want this?" It's public record and none of our business. When I go to a store and ask for a product, it's not the clerk's business why I want it. Bulging eyes, veins protruding from her redneck and escalating volume pretty much indicate she's not trying to be helpful. (That part is going in my letter to the company.)

So, I was back home with no humane trap and facing another night of seeing the mouse running around and brazenly sitting on my kitchen counter. Almost enough for me to get the Decon and do him in. When I googled "humane mouse trap" and found this fabulous idea. So easy and works perfectly (just don't put a plastic liner in the tall trash can, cause they can climb up and out of that.) Once the little bugger was in the trash can, I just took the dog along and ran a block or so down to the ditch bank (plastic trash can extended away from me), and released him. Just to be safe, I set it up again, and sure enough the next morning another one was in there. Now, some might say the same one, since like dogs, apparently they will try to return "home." So, to be safe, this time I did put him in a large dumpster further away. I haven't seen one since. I am taking some precautions now to keep them out.

Now, let's have that discussion, WHY would I go to all this trouble? All I can say is there are two kind of people in the world: 1) Those who honestly believe the human species is superior, despite all the atrocities we commit to our own and others, and despite our alleged "evolution" we are pathetically inhumane; 2) and those labeled "tree huggers", liberal environmentalists, anti-war activists, non-violent monks (who get killed standing up for human and animal rights), and those of us who just prefer not to kill other living creatures. Mick Vick, whatever the fucker's name is that killed the dogs "for sport," is about the only creature I want to catch in a snap trap. I'd like to find him half-mangled and still breathing so I could ask, "Why would I want to release it?"