take me to the River

After 3 1/2 years of cautiously protecting the title of another of my "in progress" writing projects, I can now reveal it. Not because it's finished, or published... oh no, because my lack of focus and inability to finish has resulted in yet another massive disappointment. "Take Me to the River" is indeed published, but by someone else.

I knew the title was too good and that's why I never, ever said it aloud. In hold'em, the River, is the final card. The title is a play on an old song by the Talking Heads. It was a perfect title for my effort to be the the first woman to bust the last bastion of male domination -- to Win the World Series of Poker (WSOP.) In writing (on blogs, my website, and in emails) I always referred to my poker journal as TmttR. Just like I call my Phil book AKS. Putting that stuff "out there" in the aether is too dangerous. The only thing I can say in my defense (on the poker project), is that unless I won (or at least PLAYED) in a WSOP, there was really no purpose to my 100,000 plus words about playing online and trying to get to the real deal. So, F that idea.

I haven't even played poker for the past few months. The first blow was having some local hag win a seat to this year's WSOP playing on AOL. That was enough to gag a maggot. I thought it was my destiny to 1) be the first ABQ player to win my way to WSOP, and do it on Full Tilt -- a far superior and respectable method, as opposed to idiotic AOL. 2) Once there, I was to make my way deep into the field of nearly 8-thousand players, ideally win of course. I knew winning was as unlikely as hitting Powerball, but that wasn't stopping me. 3) Once I won, or made the final table, or even just "made the money" (cashed), I would finish TmttR and voila, I would be a published writer. Interest in my poker playing experience and the subsequent TV interviews, would be the opportunity to promote my AKS novel, to be published next year (2008.) See how perfect my plan was? See how F'd it is now?

So, I'm pissed but Phil is ecstatic. He never cared for the poker project which has been just another diversion from completing AKS. He is doing everything he can (from Beyond) to pave the way so I will finish HIS book. Think I'm kidding? I could fill this blog with examples of how he has intervened to make AKS a reality.

Just today, YES TODAY, he insinuated himself into my consciousness. How? While I was bitching and muttering under my breath about the poker book fiasco, I went to the library to get a much needed Buddhist manual on anger management ;) As I was walking in the door, I glanced over where the library keeps a box of recycled magazines. There on the very top was a New Yorker magazine. I chuckled and thought, now wouldn't it be "a sign" if that was the one with the article about Phil. It was the August 20 issue. I picked it up, flipped it open, and there on the table of contents was Philip K Dick -- page 79. And, the title? "Blows Against the Empire: the Return of Philip K Dick." See -- he won't take no for an answer. I picked up the mag and brought it home. Now, here he is in full color, smirking at me with his famous furrowed brow, asking, "What will it take to get you to sit down and finish my story." And, heavy sigh, I have no answer.