Day 31: Core Story

What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? Spirituality. Wait... before any eye rolling or sighing, how would you define that term? Here's a definition I really like: The deepest values and meanings by which people live. So for one person that might be honesty, for another truth seeking, or for HH Dalai Lama simply Compassion.
Thanks to Pema Chodron, I've felt more liberated about embracing my views on spirituality and discussing it this past year. As she says, "It's our practice, not our perfect." That changed everything for me. For years I felt unworthy to discuss how important spirituality and my "Mission" was to me. I felt I was living a lie. Drinking, smoking, a "party girl" for most of my life. Who was I to call myself a Buddhist or a Bodhisattva (In Tibetan Buddhism, a Bodhisattva is anyone who is motivated by compassion and seeks enlightenment not only for him/herself but also for everyone.) Who am I to judge others? (that's my practice and work for 2011...)
But who am I to judge myself? Pema's talks on maitri (self acceptance) have been revolutionary for me. (If you have 5 minutes, have a listen.) How do I share this? Through blogging and writing, for now. It helps me formulate and understand the Dharma (teachings) when I try to explain them in accessible, straight forward ways. I will do more of that in 2011, through this blog and my Warrior's Album (just a tease, for now.) Hopefully in 2011 my nebulous thoughts will become more lucid and helpful to others. Happy New Year MMXI !!

Day 28: Achievement

My biggest achievement in 2010? Without a doubt publishing my novel. Hands down. It was at least twenty times more difficult and time consuming than I ever imagined, and that was AFTER having a rough draft of nearly 90 thousand words! The editing, the re-editing, the logistics and layout, and hassles of publishing. GADS! But that won't stop me from doing it again in 2011 ;) This time a non-fiction effort. Thanks to NaNoWriMo I have 50K words of rough material so I can start the laborious editing again. Either you love that stuff or you hate it. I guess I love it. As for the current status of AKS book, an eBook will be coming soon and this fun development: book blog

Day 27: Ordinary Joy

Before I start with the reverb10 prompt, I want to acknowledge I've fallen a bit behind. You know, the holidays, for me both Christian and Buddhist, and much activity for both. I know, NO excuses and also no try, DO! But there are only so many hours in the day and I reached maximum capacity on a few of those days... Anyway, I have been scribbling in my hard copy journals and now I'll round out the year with some blogging. So today Reverb says, "Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?" Relaxing. So often I'm on deadline for writing projects, or some event. So when I can finally, truly relax, it's a blissful, ordinary joy. To curl up with a book for pleasure reading, rather than reading something I have to read for my publishing biz. This morning I had to finish an article and even now I'm overdue on reading another person's project, and what I really want to do is read a fun book. But I've told myself when I finish today's "work reading" -- and I will finish today-- I can read whatever I want tomorrow. Ahhh... that is an ordinary joy. Another one was getting in my van and just driving off, with my K9, to some beautiful nature spot. Not a big trip, but just a day drive to relax and absorb some sun and scenery. That's an ordinary joy. What's yours?

Day 23: New Name

Here's a fun one: "If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?" I have always had name phobia or angst. My mother gave me a long first name (Elizabeth) and then NEVER used it. She called me by a nickname of my middle name. That was fine until I entered school. Teachers would call out, "Elizabeth" and I never answered. I thought this was cruel of my mother. My aunt always called me "EJ" to solve the problem, I guess. I never used that either. I used the nickname (that shall not be mentioned here)until I was about 35. Then one day I decided I would use my real middle name (I won't say it either, because after all this is about creating a NEW name!) I legally changed my name and dropped the lengthy Elizabethan moniker in favor of E. (rest of name.) Now I only use that as a lower case letter, as in e-name (you know, electronic name.)

I've also created a plethora of other names for myself: ZenWoman, I devised back in the early 1980s when I first needed a "handle" on the computer BBS systems. Zenara, was a New Age favorite of mine, or more recently OzenRishi for online games. One of the funniest re-naming incidents I recall was when a friend declared she was sick of her own identity crisis and wanted to change her name to a series of unpronounceable clicks!

So, if I could use another name, even for a day, what would it be? hmmmmm. Maybe Sherpa Lhamu Zopa, Tibetan for auspicious (or prosperous) female goddess ;) (It's just for one day, how about for Christmas!) ha! Too late, it's TODAY, in Twitterville!

Day 22: Travel

Here's a good #reverb10 prompt for me, "Travel How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?" I traveled by VAN, my big honkin', totally self-contained (with generator, tanks, kitchen and bath) RV van. That is the only way I will travel now. NO airplanes for me! I do not want to be cooped up in a scary, small space thirty thousand feet in the air anymore -- not with the society we live in now. Plus, I can take my dog in the van. It's the only way to go. As for where, Grand Canyon, national parks, Sedona, AZ (well maybe not in 2011 given the racist attitudes there... same with Utah? they probably don't like Buddhists there ;) Maybe I'll just stay home and change my name :) That's coming next!!

Solstice 2010

I wish I had asked to take a photo of the shrine that CJ and the nun (Ani)created at Rigdzin last night. It was much more magnificent than this older photo. There were 21 safflower (bright yellow) water bowls, and other offerings for this most auspicious conjunction of the full moon eclipse and winter Solstice. Why is this so "auspicious?" The very word implies fortunate new beginnings. In the Tibetan and Indian cultures, the new year began with the winter Solstice. Seeing a full moon and even more, an eclipse, on that same day is rare. It hasn't happened for nearly 500 years. It IS auspicious!

12 hours later... Well, I had thoughts I would finish this Wed morning, and add some links and more info about Kuntunzangpo and why we celebrate the "original" Primordial Buddha, but the holidays have a life of its (their) own. I had people show up unexpectedly at 8 am, and suddenly it's now 11 am and I have a much to do to make merry here at the house. I'll try to sneak another late night blog in after this crazy day ends...

Day 19: Healing

I especially like this Reverb Q: What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? Without a doubt Tibetan medicine has been healing me. I cannot say I am totally healed, so it's more of an evolution and one I will emphasize even more in 2011. But it's definitely working. What I particularly love is the wholistic, shamanistic approach to mind/body. Inner ailments are just as important, if not MORE so that the outer manifestation. Hatred, fear, grasping, and other mental afflictions are the basis, root cause, of all dis-ease. This is also the philosophy of homeopathy, but with Tibetan medicine it is acknowledged even more. Medicine Buddha is both a spiritual and medical practice. Interested in learning more? Just click the Medicine Buddha. Namaste!

Day 18: No Try, DO!

Bad Reverb10, for saying TRY. Those of us who grew up with Star Wars KNOW we either Do or DO not. Yoda wisdom:



It is self-defeating to say "I'll try." It usually never happens. You know, "I'll try to stop by." yeah, right. "I'll TRY to quit drinking, smoking, eating junk food." You know you won't, not until you declare you WILL do something and give it your all. Commitment is the key to success. If you want to change a habit or develop a new one, it takes extreme determination, not a wimpy "I'll try." Sorry, Reverb, I understand experimenting with things. "I'll try this color, or that scarf." But you asked, "...what happened when you did/didn't GO FOR IT" implying a real effort of some sort. And, if it's worth going for, do it NOW. Why wait til next year? Agree, disagree or have your own opinion? Post away!

Day 17: Lesson Learned

"What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?" is today's question from Reverb10.

PEACE is an inner process.

It's the primary message of my novel and that wasn't true until this year. No one can give you happiness or peace, you must find it yourself. The most stunning example to me was in a buddhist teaching where one of the yogis actually searched for difficult trials and tribulations so he could further his practice of patience and remaining peaceful. I still get aggravated over the most insignificant thing. Just this morning I walked outside to enjoy our rare snow-kissed landscape. It was quiet and I wanted to snap a few shots before it began melting. Here came a low rider down the street (at 7 am) blasting rap music. I did not remain peaceful.

Then when I came back in to download the snow pics, I saw this random quote when I opened up my computer: "Have faith in the way things are. Love the world as your self, then you can care for all things." -- Tao te Ching (loosely translated ;) Can I ever do that? Or even have Maitri (self acceptance) as Pema reminds us to work on. sigh... I'm a work in progress. I must accept that for now.

Day 16: Friendship

Today's Reverb10 prompt is: "How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?" My friend Mo has impacted my perspective on complaining -- in a favorable way. Despite her health problems, she rarely complains. I have noticed this and she points out the obvious: complaining does not help.

I remember a few years ago when we both got the "Complaint Free World" bracelets (purple bands.) If you complain you are supposed to move it to the other wrist, even if you have to do this fifty times a day. The goal is to bring attention to how many times we complain. I know at first we were both shifting them around a lot. But, Mo has somehow incorporated this philosophy into her essence now. She doesn't need the bracelet to remind her. She just isn't complaining or bragging about it, either. Good on you, MO! That's a huge accomplishment. I'm going to dig mine out and put it on... NOW!

Next Up: OTHER habit changes and MY Kleishas ;)

Day 15: In 5 minutes...

Reverb10 says, "Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010." This seems particularly fun. Oooops 4... 3... 2... OMG, what do I most want to... it could be gone, just like that.

I want to remember every sight and sound of that PKD Festival in August when I first released my novel and the pre-release party, here at the Andaluz, too! Both were surreal experiences after working on the book so long. In fact, the day the box of books arrived. Seeing 100 copies of my novel was a trip, and every one of my book signings has been a real treat. At each one special friends show up, and I will always treasure those memories.

I enjoyed visiting my Denver friends, laughing and talking about many past and current events. I would not want to forget any of the Buddhist events I attended this year. Local ones, like the Medicine Buddha puja, or my LD experience with Pema Chodron. How about the Mad Hatter tea party in July with Mo and Sister V. That was certainly special. Time spent with Mary, my artist, working on illustrations. Now, due to eye problems, she can barely see and cannot drive. I wouldn't want to forget those times and cherish the art of hers I have. My mini trips to T or C and the lake -- one in June and another in November. I love those get-aways in the van, time on the river or lake. And, Mother's Day with Sophie, making and giving her her Memory Album, and how she made Thanksgiving dinner just for me. It was truly delightful. I think we made a couple of casino runs, too ;) These are the ones that bubble up to the surface in five minutes. If I had more time, I would remember more -- like the faces of all my friends. I'd want to paste them all in a journal... wait, I already do that ;)

Day 14: Appreciation

Reverb10 asks, "What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?" Tough to pick just ONE. I truly appreciate the freedom I have thanks to my gamble (investment) in my government job. I stayed put and it paid off. Now I have early retirement and the ability to do things I truly love -- like writing, T'ai Chi and other hobbies. I would say Freedom is number one, but without good health that wouldn't really matter. So I have to say during the past year I most appreciated my health and mobility. I am truly grateful to feel good, breathe freely, walk, and even run if I want. My knees are not hurting, my teeth are not aching, I can see, hear, dance, do T'ai Chi and probably even skate if I tried.

I truly appreciate health. It's not all luck or a fluke that I feel good. Like any other success, it takes effort. I exercise, move around a lot, walk the dog, I quit smoking nearly four years ago (yes, Feb 2007.) I often calculate how many "cigs" I have not smoked. At ten a day (which is about what I smoked when I stopped), that's around 14,000 cigarettes NOT smoked. And, I'm told at this point my lungs have fully recovered. Have my arteries? I'm working on that with better diet and 10,000 steps a day. I often wear my pedometer and try to hit 10,000 steps. That's about five miles. If I don't walk, then I do yoga or pilates, something to keep moving. My doctor laughs because I was far from a health nut for many years. I was more the "Party Queen." Now I find pleasure in feeling healthy and active, not sucking on cigarettes or getting drunk. I give thanks every day and celebrate LIFE!

Day 13: Action

Reverb10 says, "When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?"

I'm pretty action oriented. I get up and get things done. It takes motivation to schedule yourself over and over at local book signings where if you're lucky a handful of people show up. But I must admit seeing the sign with my name on it Sunday was eerily reminiscent of the dream I had TEN years ago. In a dream I saw a sign, much like this, only it said "A Kindred Spirit" by EJ Morgan. That dream caused me to change the title of my novel and use my initials.

I made it happen. I could have just acknowledged the dream and then let it fade into the shadows, but to me it was truly a SIGN, an incredible metaphor that I needed to manifest the book. I did. So as Reverb asks, what is your NEXT step?

Well, I had another dream recently. I saw three more books -- a series. I saw the covers. I am going to manifest those books, too. And I've also noticed that two "guide books" have come along; books that I did not search for, but that just showed up. Each one has a year's worth of prompts and exercises. I could wait for 2011 to begin working with them, but I'm not. I'm starting today. That is my action!

Day 12: Integration

Reverb says, "Body Integration: This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?"

Integration, book and body, is a concept I deal with frequently. Actually, body integration is easier for me than book. What does that mean? Because I meditate, do shamanic vision quests, T'ai Chi, yoga and use self-hypnosis, I "get" body integration. I often feel merged not only mind and body, but with the cosmos. (Now you see why I kind of buried this post ;) Call me a kook, but clearly if there's a prompt dealing with this, I'm not alone in these thoughts.

BOOK integration. Writing. I tend to segregate my writing. Spiritual here, daily journaling there, creative or fiction writing someplace else. I want integration in my writing and journaling. I've said it before, but I am going to make it happen in 2011. ONE BOOK, ONE BODY.

Day 11: Things

Oh boy, here's today's #reverb10 prompt: What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

Eleven, you say? Does a single bag of stuff count as one thing? First, these bags of paper and miscellaneous bric-a-brac must go. Brown paper grocery bags, or those new reusable kind, have devolved into "storage" for junk. With one or two per room there's probably 11 of those, alone. Then there are:
2) stacks of magazines 3) too many books (I love books, but yes we can have too many) 4) unsorted junk mail and other PAPER (old tax records) 5) clothes (stuff to keep needs to be on hangers and the rest must GO! donate or toss) 6) old jewelry (not jewels, but "junk" jewelry I've collected through the years) 7) pens (you have no idea how hard it is for me to say that, but truly too many, along with their refills, ink bottles) Why can't I just have my most collectible ones in wraps and a couple of cheap ones for purse and desk? 8) outside boxes with more stuff that has accumulated. How to get rid of all that in 2011? Just buckle down, sort, donate or toss. It shouldn't be that hard, but it's making time to do it; making junk removal a top priority next year. I commit to that! My life will be more efficient and happier with more space to breathe.

Now, these last three must be something other than physical "stuff."

9) mental garbage -- useless thoughts and wasted energy thinking about things that are either none of my business or things I can't control. let that go!

10) too much TV -- a little is okay, but I have become a 24 hour news junkie. I don't need that in 2011. It's stressful and unproductive.

11) crappy food -- I could cook more and eat better. More veggies, healthier meals. I dropped sugar-water sodas years ago. I drink unsweetened tea. I don't eat trans-fat, but I still eat too much fast or restaurant food. Now it's time to make my own healthier meals in 2011.

Day 10: Wisdom

#reverb10 asks, "What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?" My first thought is, "What category? Health, Finances or Relationships?" As far as my health, which really is the most important matter of all (because without it, we have nothing) is to keep moving. I walk, do yoga and T'ai Chi Chih again, some pilates, and stretches. Staying fit is my wise choice for health. Next year I will add more veggies and work harder to improve my "fuel." My wisest financial decision was... well, I made one. But I don't think it would be too wise to describe it on the internet ;)

Actually, as I settle into thinking of true Wisdom, my wisest choice was probably participating in the Pema Chodron conference in October. Absorbing her extreme wisdom, which affects ALL areas of life, has had a lasting effect on my other choices. She reminds us to breathe, not to take things so seriously, to listen to our bodies and treat ourselves and others with respect and stay mindful. That's pretty wise.

Day 9: Reverb Prompt "Party"

These guys may not look like the penultimate partiers, but they are the Penultimate Dickheads and this is the gathering that "rocked my socks off" in 2010. WHY? Because after years of working on my novel "A Kindred Spirit" where Philip K. Dick is a central character, I attended the first Philip K. Dick Festival and held the Intergalactic debut of my novel there! That truly rocked my socks OFF!

I drove over 450 miles in the van, with my dog, to get there. I must say I was disappointed at first when I didn't see Woodstock-size throngs of folks covering the countryside, but the small group that did show up were hard-core Dickheads. They bought my book, and I forged friendships that extend beyond the sci-fi/metaphysical realm. Some of them are currently helping me with Q and A interviews about my novel.

Party HQ was a sprawling biker bar called Roy's "Last Shot" on a rural mountain road in between Denver and Boulder. We ate hearty food: burgers, steaks, pizza and listened to music by a group called Ubik, named after one of PKD's novels. The juxtaposition of the cerebral PKD fans with the Roy's rowdy, rugged bikers was something to see. But in the end, some of those bikers remembered reading PKD stories in their youth and actually joined us for pizza and discussions. It was a unique experience and a dream come true for me watching my private musings about Phil now perfect-bound and in the hands of the guys who knew him best.

Day 8: Bodhi Day (Beautifully Different)

I knew that no matter what the Reverb10 prompt was for today, I was going to use it to describe my relationship to awakening, becoming a Bodhisattva (anyone who is motivated by compassion and seeks enlightenment not only for him/herself but also for everyone.) Today is Bodhi Day, the 8th day of the 12th Lunar month -- the day Buddhists believe that Prince Siddhartha Gotama experienced enlightenment and found the roots of suffering after sitting and meditating under a Bodhi tree 2500 years ago.

How does this relate to the prompt? Being Buddhist is certainly the primary way that I perceive myself as different. Not better or worse than others -- just different. Beautifully different is perhaps the best possible term I can think of. All those working years I was hesitant to declare myself Buddhist, especially surrounded by rabid Catholics. Not quiet, reverent, Compassionate Catholics, but RABID, opionated ones where I worked. Now, writing at home, free from government shackles and self-censorship, I can blurt it out. I've considered myself Buddhist since 17, and officially so (taking the vows) in 1990, twenty years ago. Even tho I call myself ZenWoman and Bodhi day is primarily a Zen observance, I follow the Tibetan Vajrayana tradition, Kagyu lineage.

I am far from perfect. I make mistakes daily, still get angry even though I try hard not to, but as Pema Chodron tells us: "that's why we call it our Practice" not our Perfect Buddhism. I am practicing -- more than I used to. And that, dear reader, is what I feel makes me beautifully different. Namaste!

Day 7: Community

Where have I found Community? I was going to write about my virtual and actual Sanghas (Buddhist communities), but since tomorrow is Bodhi Day, I'll save my Buddhist thoughts til then. I've certainly felt a sense of community with the Romero family over the past year. Here we are a year ago celebrating the holidays. Sophie's kitchen is a place where we enjoy food, friendship and certainly a sense of community. Dan's dining room is another. Sure wish I had snapped a shot of our recent pot roast dinner. We ate, laughed and enjoyed talking about books, wine and other shared interests.

As for 2011, I really see myself delving deeper into my spiritual groups. I will be working on a non-fiction book about religion, philosophy and spirituality. I have three local Kagyu Buddhist groups plus an online Sangha and having renewed my commitment to T'ai Chi Chih, this is the connection I see growing even stronger in the year ahead. Perhaps a little more subdued. Less emphasis on wine and intoxicants, more meditation.

Day 6: Make

Reverb asks us, "When was the last time you made something? What was it? Is there something you want to make?" Yes, as a matter of fact there is. I'm headiing out again today for some mats (photo frame mats) to finish a project I'm working on for my elderly friends. They have a life time of photos -- Ross was a professional photographer for many years. But, like many of us, his work is in boxes gathering dust. I already made copies of some of the best ones, and now with some matting, I'm helping them making Christmas gifts of these. Some of the people in them will be surprised, delighted I think. I'm also making a special montage for the photographer and his lovely wife, but they don't know that yet;) That will be part of their holiday gift this year. (They don't have web, so won't see this.)

The last thing I made was also for them. A pumpkin pie. For Mother's Day I made Sophie (his wife) a memory album. Some of these photos can go in there, also. I made quite a few artsy things last year, handmade journals, multi-media art pieces, but this year I really focused on making only one thing: my book, my novel. Now with it done, I can make a few things for the holidays and as always, I'll be making web pages, or entries on them at least.

Day 5: Letting Go

I just signed the Reverb10 contract, donated to the effort and now I will devote this Crypto blog to the cause for the remainder of December. Why? Coming off of nanowrimo and writing 50 thousand words is a powerful process. I'm in the habit of daily writing and don't want to lose that habit. It's a good one. I pretty much found my groove of about 1250 per day. 1600 or 1800 was hard, but I could generally hit 1250 without breaking much of a sweat. Reverb suggests 750 per day on their daily prompt. And so far, I love the prompts!

My friend Mo sent the link and it's so in sync with my current thoughts, it seemed like a perfect plan for ending a year and a decade. I'll start with Prompt #1 which was to sum up this past year (2010) in a word. I selected the word RELEASE back in January. I wanted to release my novel, my anger, some of my old habits and expectations. I also said my only goal for the year was to "let go." So how syncronicitious is that! Happens to be our Day 5 Prompt. I did complete and publish my novel in 2010. (References below and on the book and blog: www.AKSbook.com) I've worked on my anger issue all year. Have I released it? Not completely, but I am making progress. Old habits and expectations? I am using various Buddhist techniques on all these issues: Tibetan healing practices, meditation, mindfulness, and writing therapy (like this.) Letting go involves so much -- expectations of myself, others, and finding new feelings. It's a process, a practice. When I started practicing T'ai Chi Chih again this year, I truly realized everything is a practice. As Pema Chodron says, "Grappling with the teachings IS our practice." If we can make a little headway we should feel gratitude and keep going. The goal is improvement, not perfection.