First Light

In Tibetan Buddhism (at least in our Kagyu tradition) we bring in the new year and new energies with a celebration called "First Light." For U.S. "Westerners" this is held pre-dawn on New Year's Day. It is a puja, meaning a special ceremony with offerings and chanting.   At our local KTC (Karma Tegsum Choling) Center we lit 108 candles, in addition to the usual alter candles and regular rituals associated with our Vajrayana practices.
It was a beautiful ceremony and I'm really glad I attended. However...

I have been grappling with my practice, particularly with the aspects of being part of an organized "religion." And there's no way around it, the KTC is very structured and organized. So much so that I declined the generous offer to be on the board of directors for 2014.  Serving on the board requires an oath of office, basically "pledging allegiance" to the Karmapa (the head of our lineage who represents the embodiment of all buddha activity), the pecepts and tenets of the Kagyu lineage. To take that oath means upholding and always representing the views of the KTD and KTC. I just can't do that.  As I said, I'm still grappling. 

After years of seeking and dharma study, I felt (and still feel) that Vajrayana is as close as I can come to finding a set of practices that are meaningful and beneficial to me. I discovered His Holiness the Dalai Lama twenty five years ago and since then I've considered myself a student of his teachings and his brand of Buddhism. (Before that I dabbled in Zen and other Mahayana practices.) Buddhism is complicated with many variations.

 KTC in ABQ, NM

There are about 20 million people who claim to follow Tibetan Buddhism, but there are several schools and sects. Even though you might hear of four major schools (of Vajrayana), within the   Kagyu "school" there are 12 Dagpo Kagyu lineages, and as that wiki link shows there is disagreement about the number of major schools.  After all this time, I just learned this past weekend that our Karma Kagyu is actually part of the Drubgyu Karma Kamstang sect that falls under the Dagpo branch.

You can see the similarity to Christian churches--  one on every corner in America, each with their own set of precepts and peccadillos. Which brings me to the crux of my issue and angst. It was this kind of nitpicking and divisiveness that drove me away from Christianity as a teenager. While I must admit that in general Buddhism is more tolerant and forgiving than my "bible belt" experiences, this oath-taking and pledging of loyalty to one sect is more than I can handle.

We could have a lively discussion about why lineages and traditions are so important. In general I have great confidence in our "whispered transmissions" that have been passed down for over a thousand years. But, I still think blue deities (as seen here in my favorite Medicine Buddha iconography)  might be ancient aliens. Even HHDL has laughed with a twinkle in his eye when asked about that possibility, and did not dismiss it! Namaste!!

PS --  I'm about to embark on a new blogging process called  Still Grappling and may do that on a new site or platform.  I will link here for those who read or care ;)  It's mostly for my own sake, as is all my blogging and writing. But I always love and appreciate feedback.  "May it be of benefit," as my dear Pema Chodron says.  (Acharya Ani Pema strongly admonishes fundamentalist views -- yay!  And, beloved Thrangu Rinpoche is her Abbot. She also takes spiritual direction from Shambhala Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche, who isn't KTD, or even Kagyu. My kind of gal! ;) )