A Quiet Christmas

I keep thinking of what Michelle said when I told her I would be on retreat through the holidays. She said, "So it will be a quiet Christmas for you this year." I didn't realize how quiet. I didn't think we were taking vows of silence for this retreat, but I see we really are. During the instructions and orientation this past week, we were told that the retreatants at Sravasti Abbey (the photo) are to turn off their cell phones, computers and that they will watch no TV or movies. Video Dharma talks are allowed and we were told we can access the internet Dharma pages, but no other type of "chit chat", in chat rooms, tweeting or emails. (Sravasti is a savvy abbey with plenty of digital dharma!)

So, I am actually violating the rules by blogging. But, I really felt as part of my purification process I need to post weekly. I am journaling a LOT. Keeping very detailed notes on the teachings, my reactions, and the effects. I would love to give my own big dharma talk by writing a Facebook note on all the nuances of this purification retreat, but that would be a complete violation, so I won't. I am learning to be quiet with my thoughts and reactions. To absorb and practice the teachings rather than feel compelled to share every feeling and insight. That is a breakthrough for me and enough said. Yes, Michelle, it is a very quiet Christmas! Holiday Blessings to my friends of all faiths and Namaste to all.

On Vacation with the Buddha

Well, here I am on retreat, something totally different than I expected to be doing this December. I had every intention of taking off in my big RV Van for the Baja, but fate had something else in mind. It's a long story and those who need to know the how's and why's of it, do. The important thing is that I have now fully committed to 30 days of "Retreat from Afar." I have vowed to the same rigid monastic schedule my brother is doing, the only difference being that I am "in" for 30 days, and he's doing three months -- actually more, but three months of this particular "Vajarasattva Purification." That link is actually to a different, two-day retreat held in 2006, but the tone and topics are the same.

The real reason I'm blogging is 1) to periodically post how I feel going through this long process -- the longest retreat I've undertaken, and 2) to record the truly auspicious beginning. The Lama conducting the retreat told us today, "Many favorable conditions must come together for you to participate in this retreat." I understand what she means -- there are so many circumstances including knowing what Vajrayana is, having some of the preliminary teachings (so it even makes sense), and then the fortuitous conditions to hear of this event and join in. But add to that, right this moment (9 pm Sunday evening) because I was online and reviewing some of the materials, I received word that His Holiness the Dalai Lama was about to broadcast live from India. His teachings just began on Ustream. So I will stop and listen to his Dharma Transmission on mind training.

All of this is incredibly auspicious. Also, this morning, just as I finished meditating and stepped outside to feed the birds, a new unusual bird (very colorful, that I learned is a Black-headed Grosbeak) was outside. I've been feeding birds for several years and this is the first time I've seen such a bird. But it came to me it was a sign that I was on the right path. So, my first day has been very successful, but now I must concentrate on HHDL. Namaste!

Bodhi Day and holiday thoughts

I've really been wrestling with the "holiday" concept this year. The last thing I want to come off as is a Grinch or Scrooge. Dickens' story of keeping Christmas in one's heart all year long had a HUGE impact on me when I was young, and profoundly affected my life. However more recently I've been pondering what exactly affected me, and it's not really "Christmas" -- it's the spirit of giving.

Charity is something we should keep in hearts year-round, but that's for everyone -- not just Christians. Charity and compassion are an essential part of our Buddhist precepts. The term Bodhichitta means compassion and it arises from realizing how interconnected we all are. Buddhist teachers often use the analogy of our body like this: you wouldn't cut off your hand because it offends you. After all, our hand is part of us. In the Buddhist cosmic view, everything is part of us and the complete realization of that is considered Enlightenment (click on the art above, to read another Buddhist viewpoint on Bodhi Day and Enlightenment.)

Christmas has become so complicated and commercialized that it's hard to know what people are celebrating. Gift-giving is a beautiful sentiment, but not when it means shoving and pepper-spraying others to buy some product that no one really needs in the first place. Even more civilized shopping raises questions of why buy more things for people who have plenty, rather than practicing real charity toward those who have nothing? And, for those who consider themselves Christians (yet criticize those who aren't), how about practicing some of the concepts Jesus actually taught: love, mercy and tolerance.

Finally, I am far from a perfect practitioner (still easily agitated by right-wing political nonsense and many other Kleshas.) That is why I feel compelled to participate in a serious winter retreat this year to "take the Dharma medicine" (as one of my teachers says) with the intention to get healthier every day (and that is in thought, speech and action.) Namaste!

Conrad's Karma

I got a bit exuberant on Twitter the day Conrad Murray was being sentenced for KILLING (yes, killing) Michael Jackson. With a name like ZenWoman (and on six or seven Buddhist lists), I am fully aware of how UNzen-like it may seem to cheer for maximum punishment. Let me explain.

First of all, the MAX was a four year jail sentence (not life or death), and because of overcrowding in Los Angeles, it will be two years, or less. The time will be served in a jail, not a state prison, and Murray may very well get out much sooner (think Lindsey Lohan.) This is a ridiculously minor term, IMHO, for killing someone, especially when the someone killed was the King of Pop, worldwide icon, and single parent of three young children.

Yes, I know this raises two additional points: 1) should punishment be more harsh for killing a celebrity, and 2) why do I insist he was killed. The answer to the first point is no, however you cannot deny that there was more outrage over the killing of JFK and MLK than an unknown person. There was moral outrage over the loss of Michael Jackson for millions of fans worldwide. And this brings me to my final point. I felt all along that MJ was killed because use of anesthesia by a cardiologist in MJ's bedroom was "gross negligence." His autopsy confirmed it was the propofol and not some other drug or substance. MJ would not have died had Conrad Murray simply refused to administer the anesthesia.

Why am I revisiting all this? Why did I feel glad and even cheer that justice was served? I guess because it was so wrong; just as it was so wrong for Natalie Wood to drown with NO justice. Murray showed no remorse for his actions, even played on the beach during the trial. Now we hear that Robert Wagner may have been negligent or god forbid responsible for Wood's death? It raises ALL the issues of judgement, compassion, and karma. I continue to work on my karma, kleshas and compassion. And once again this brings to mind what HHDL would say in these and all cases of extreme injustice: "How can we not feel compassion for someone who faces such unfortunate rebirth as a result of his actions?" (You can just as easily view this as feeling compassion for someone who will 'burn in hell' in Christian terms.) And that really raises the whole issue of morality, doesn't it?