Zillion is the new Billion

I turned off the tube because I'm sick of bad news, and maybe I'll just leave it off all week. A week without news -- imagine that. 1) it keeps me from writing and editing my novel. Words of William Gibson stick in my mind. During an interview someone asked how he could write and publish so many sci-fi thrillers. He said, "I don't own or watch TV. Reading and writing is my entertainment." That blew me away. Think of how much more writing (and reading) I would do with those 6 - 8 hours of tube-time.

2) It's so damn depressing. I wake up, do some meditation and yoga to get my mind focused and in a good place, then turn on the tube and there it is -- more mass murders, mayhem and of course the missing Trillions. Millions, billions and now Trillions of dollars just leaking away through corporate mismanagement and government attempts to prop up those corrupt corps. It just feels hopeless. As much as I trust President Obama, Fed Master Bernanke and even Geithner, it's like throwing gi-normous wads of cash into a black hole. And, I mean GI-normous. I already gave examples of how much a Trillion is (spending a million dollars every day since the birth of Jesus Christ is still NOT a Trillion.)

It's like the world is hell-bent on re-enacting history. First the extreme excesses that led to the Great Depression, now shanty towns and soup lines for the unemployed and finally I guess we'll see wheelbarrows of cash (like post WWII Germany) to buy a loaf of bread. All of this because greedy SOBs could not live within their means or on "reasonable" salaries. I am bone weary of hearing how our outraged populism is bad. Well, to those who were making 400 times what their employees earned FU. And, to those who were profiting from the "toxic mortgages" FU, too. You caused this mess, and now you need to spend 24/7 figuring out how to fix it. Because that's what is really bad. What if a Trillion or two won't fix it?

Meanwhile, I am turning off the tube. I can't fix it and thinking about it every day is unhealthy. If you have a better idea, post away.

Letting Go

Wow, what a week of lessons about what we think we have and letting go. I was forced to let go of a substantial quantity of paper wealth.
(I think I could speak in the plural here, since I was not alone on this lesson, but I'll stay singular, thanks.) What are those six stages of grief? Shock -- Yep! seeing the Dow take the biggest one week plunge since the Great Depression was shocking in the extreme; Denial (yes, "please don't let this be happening"); Anger (oh my, yes... an understatement!); Depression (absolutely!); Bargaining (hmmmm "I will never again invest in stocks if you just let me live through this.") ; Acceptance? Not yet, but that's where I am at this moment and why I'm blogging. I'm trying to accept. Trying to let go. And, not just of the numbers on a piece of paper, but of the anger and frustration.

This particular anger is over feeling screwed for doing "the right thing" all these years. I didn't leverage myself to the hilt and buy some extravagant home beyond my means. I've stayed in my modest little house, with my modest mortgage and invested. And now I wonder, "Invested in what?" A bunch of a-hole CEO's that robbed their own corporations blind? The companies are now bankrupt -- GM (stock under $5), AIG (down from $70 a share to under $2) Citi Group (once at $55 was at $12 a share) and even my beloved tech stocks were ravaged -- values cut in half. At one point this week 1499 of the 1500 companies on the NYSE were at all time lows!! The companies are just as screwed as I am -- as you are, if you lost money in your IRA, 401K or even our PERA Plan which is down several Billion now.

So, yes, I'm angry at this situation and feeling grief for our country. How did WE (yes, in the plural) allow this to happen? As some of the commentators have asked, "Where were the grown ups?" It's as if a bunch of greedy, drunken juvenile delinquents robbed us blind. Only JD's are usually caught and sent to jail. These insanely greedy CEO's with their multi-million "Golden Parachutes" are somewhere laughing their asses off at our stupidity. Will any of them go to prison for this mess?

And, I'm angry that now we're in more hock (nearly a Trillion in this Bail Out Plan, TARP) and it isn't working. This could take years, just like the War in Iraq, to resolve. So, where's that Letting Go? That Lesson in all this?

Well, there are many. I could wax philosophical about Capitalism, materialism, even Socialism -- but there will be plenty of that in days to come. But, for now, looking at the Grief Model, psychologists say:

You will start to look forward and actually plan for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your loss without pain; sadness, yes, but eventually the gut wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate good times to come, and even find joy again in the experience of living.

And, with that, it's back to releasing my Kleshas for the Padawan, 'cause as the Buddhists are fond of saying --
"Contentment is the greatest form of wealth."