What is the Answer?

A bioethicist (whatever that is) is asking if shaming is the last resort in curbing our obesity epidemic. NO, shaming is not the answer for modifying pet or people behavior. Shame tactics only made me more defiant when I was trying to quit smoking, however fear of death did the trick for me.

It would seem that severely overweight people, along with alcoholics, and smokers, would have such grave concerns over their health they would deal with it the same way you would if your house was on fire. You would run, right? Or would you just sit there and say, "oh well.. oh hell... guess I'm burning up now." Really?  I know it's hard to fight addictions. I'm wrestling with the TV off switch these days, trying to keep my butt on the meditation cushion more, in fact, trying not to be judgmental and angry. But I am trying.

As Buddhists we use mortality as our motivation. That's been one of the tools I've used to modify "bad" (aka life-threatening) habits. I have not smoked for over five years now (about 18,000 cigarettes NOT smoked.) I have lost weight and reduced my cholesterol issues by modifying what I eat and moving around more. Yes, I binged a bit over the holidays, but now I'm back to healthier foods, and working on all my various "bad" behaviors using some of the Buddhist antidotes.
In fact, this is what I find so appealing about Buddhist mind training techniques. It's not a religion of hoping that some outside force will save me; it's a philosophy and set of tools that we can use to steer us away from indulging our addictions.

So, rather than using this blog in the future to rant about what bugs me, I'm going to share the Dharma by using specific examples of how to use the antidotes to shift your tastes and tendencies. I will feel much better about myself (not ranting and judging) and hopefully it will help others along the way.

BTW, this is what I consider "writing to clarity." I was kind of pissy when I first sat down, but by using the Dharma, I arrived at posting something useful, rather than harmful. Hopefully, we will all improve (my self included, of course.)

Addiction

CNN is airing the program again tonight. If you missed it, watch it. Why? Because we're all addicts. Drinking, drugs, smoking, food, gambling and even sex addicts who can't stay away from online porn. Who can judge another's addiction?

Watching the program, I relived my own trauma of quitting smoking. I relapsed many times. Finally, through persistence, I have quit. I haven't had a "puff" for months now. I haven't smoked an entire cigarette for over two years -- 25 months. I quit in February 2007 out of fear.

I was told smoking was a huge contributor to my clogged arteries. Fear of dying was the only thing that could cause me to quit. And, even that didn't totally stop me. I was "clean" for about 6 months and then one day, I just couldn't take it and smoked a few puffs. I didn't buy a pack, I just smoked a few puffs from an old stale cigarette. It tasted awful and made me cough so I put it out. When I tried to write about not smoking, I always wanted one. So I couldn't tell my story or participate in the online "Quit" group. Every time I logged on I wanted one more than ever. I still can't watch the "Quit" commercials on TV. It makes me want to smoke. This is about as successful as I've been. Actually writing this on my desk computer without smoking. Sometimes I can't sit at this computer. Sometimes I can't even write -- still! I find new places to write. Quitting is that hard.

Not just smoking or drugs, but breaking ANY habit is painful. Creating new healthy ones is hard. It's work. It takes a lot of effort. I just did the math again. I have not smoked over 6 thousand cigarettes. So, if I've had a few in two years, it's nothing compared to the SIX thousand I have not smoked. We have to work at it every day. It's hard. We need to hear more success stories and those who relapse need to know we all relapse. It's those who keep trying that are successful.

Letting Go

Wow, what a week of lessons about what we think we have and letting go. I was forced to let go of a substantial quantity of paper wealth.
(I think I could speak in the plural here, since I was not alone on this lesson, but I'll stay singular, thanks.) What are those six stages of grief? Shock -- Yep! seeing the Dow take the biggest one week plunge since the Great Depression was shocking in the extreme; Denial (yes, "please don't let this be happening"); Anger (oh my, yes... an understatement!); Depression (absolutely!); Bargaining (hmmmm "I will never again invest in stocks if you just let me live through this.") ; Acceptance? Not yet, but that's where I am at this moment and why I'm blogging. I'm trying to accept. Trying to let go. And, not just of the numbers on a piece of paper, but of the anger and frustration.

This particular anger is over feeling screwed for doing "the right thing" all these years. I didn't leverage myself to the hilt and buy some extravagant home beyond my means. I've stayed in my modest little house, with my modest mortgage and invested. And now I wonder, "Invested in what?" A bunch of a-hole CEO's that robbed their own corporations blind? The companies are now bankrupt -- GM (stock under $5), AIG (down from $70 a share to under $2) Citi Group (once at $55 was at $12 a share) and even my beloved tech stocks were ravaged -- values cut in half. At one point this week 1499 of the 1500 companies on the NYSE were at all time lows!! The companies are just as screwed as I am -- as you are, if you lost money in your IRA, 401K or even our PERA Plan which is down several Billion now.

So, yes, I'm angry at this situation and feeling grief for our country. How did WE (yes, in the plural) allow this to happen? As some of the commentators have asked, "Where were the grown ups?" It's as if a bunch of greedy, drunken juvenile delinquents robbed us blind. Only JD's are usually caught and sent to jail. These insanely greedy CEO's with their multi-million "Golden Parachutes" are somewhere laughing their asses off at our stupidity. Will any of them go to prison for this mess?

And, I'm angry that now we're in more hock (nearly a Trillion in this Bail Out Plan, TARP) and it isn't working. This could take years, just like the War in Iraq, to resolve. So, where's that Letting Go? That Lesson in all this?

Well, there are many. I could wax philosophical about Capitalism, materialism, even Socialism -- but there will be plenty of that in days to come. But, for now, looking at the Grief Model, psychologists say:

You will start to look forward and actually plan for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your loss without pain; sadness, yes, but eventually the gut wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate good times to come, and even find joy again in the experience of living.

And, with that, it's back to releasing my Kleshas for the Padawan, 'cause as the Buddhists are fond of saying --
"Contentment is the greatest form of wealth."